Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
