I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize