You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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