If i come over, it means nothing
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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