its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
