Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
