i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
