I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
