If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
