Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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