don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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