there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
