if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pants are for mortals
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
