Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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