i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
