I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
