Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
