I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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