No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
