Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
