I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
