I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
