Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
