dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
