i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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