what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
