anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
