My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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