You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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