Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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