i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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