you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
