So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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