how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
