white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
