Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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