Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
