can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The uberlube is also flammable
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
