I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
