Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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