...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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