is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
