i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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