Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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