ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
