She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
