well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
