She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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