I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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