dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
