So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
