i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
