we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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