I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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