We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
