chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
