Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
