he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
