i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He passed out mid-signature
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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