i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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