Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
