I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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