i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
