just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
