We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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