Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
