He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
