I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
