so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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