You really coming over, don't trick.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize