i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
